Audio Transcript: 

00:00

you're listening to happiness abound

00:03

episode 3

00:05

[Music]

00:12

welcome to happiness abound a podcast

00:15

dedicated and designed to help those

00:16

seeking happiness in their lives here

00:19

we'll talk about happiness as game

00:20

through habit formation being inspired

00:22

by the stories of others and looking for

00:24

opportunities of growth and learning I'm

00:26

Taylor Proctor thanks for tuning in

00:28

[Music]

00:39

hey guys welcome back to happiness

00:41

abound episode 3 so glad that you are

00:44

here and you are subscribed and

00:46

listening

00:47

so really want to just dive in today and

00:49

talk about fear gurus and going for it

00:53

I don't know about you but I can't tell

00:56

you how many times I've heard some

00:58

happiness guru and I'm doing air quotes

01:00

in the air cuz I really don't know if

01:02

you can be a self-proclaimed guru but

01:04

that's a whole different story and topic

01:05

but you've heard that you've heard these

01:08

people and they say oh if your your fear

01:10

afraid you just need to go for it and I

01:13

feel like that is so much more easier

01:14

said than done right figure is the

01:17

number one thing that holds everyone

01:18

back whether it's fear of failure fear

01:20

of getting started fear of hard work

01:24

fear that you're not going to stick with

01:25

it really and all those kind of come

01:26

back to that core fear of failure fear

01:29

of how it's gonna look to other people

01:31

fear of how it will impact your

01:32

relationships whatever that fear may be

01:34

it just seems like a lot of these gurus

01:37

and experts and coaches and mentors out

01:40

there say oh just go for it

01:42

way easier said than done so I want to

01:44

talk about what I want talk about today

01:46

is one of my fears and how I've kind of

01:50

worked through it and hopefully that

01:53

will help you identify and work through

01:56

your fears so I'll start with I attended

01:59

a conference recently and I'll do a

02:01

podcast on that later but I attended up

02:04

a conference recently and in it the one

02:09

of the things I had mentioned of why

02:11

things may not be working for you is

02:13

that you're afraid of how other people

02:16

will feel with you going after your

02:19

dreams and I heard that in the

02:20

conference and was like no that's that's

02:23

not something I'm afraid of I don't

02:25

really care what what strangers think of

02:27

me I don't care if like I I just that

02:31

this doesn't make sense to me and so a

02:33

little while later I kept on feeling

02:35

like something just kept on holding me

02:37

back from creating this podcast actually

02:40

and couldn't quite wrap my arms around

02:43

what it was and so I started speaking to

02:45

my husband and

02:47

through a long conversation out of

02:50

nowhere came out of my mouth

02:52

I'm afraid how it will make you feel

02:54

meaning all of the time that I would

02:57

have to take to go into a podcast all

02:59

the extra research and reading all the

03:02

personal growth that really comes with

03:04

this and which I'm really excited about

03:06

but I was afraid how it would make him

03:08

feel and I did write an article on this

03:11

so if you read the happiness of bound

03:12

comm blog you may have kind of heard a

03:14

little bit of this story but if you're

03:16

not familiar with that post this is the

03:19

audio version if you will but not being

03:22

read so I realized that I was afraid of

03:26

how I would make him feel by chasing my

03:29

goals now that's completely unfair to

03:31

him because he was like wait why why is

03:34

that even a fear I I'm going to feel how

03:38

I'm going to feel and that's not

03:39

something that you're in charge of the

03:41

or that you can control and I would

03:43

never feel bad that you are being your

03:45

best self so it was completely unfounded

03:48

fear but it was still something that

03:50

really was holding me back I was afraid

03:53

of how he would feel and I don't been to

03:55

a little bit further and I realized I

03:56

was afraid of how my family would feel

03:59

and it's kind of funny those of you

04:01

listening if you are family members

04:03

props because I kind of feel like nobody

04:06

in my family reads the blog or listens

04:08

to the podcast and I don't really talk

04:10

about to them because I'm afraid of how

04:12

it will be perceived and I really

04:15

shouldn't be afraid of that which is why

04:17

we're diving in but as I was speaking to

04:20

my husband and as I realized all of

04:22

these things I kind of came to the

04:24

conclusion that we have these hidden

04:26

fears that hold us back but we really

04:29

need to identify our fear so that we can

04:31

go through them and do as the Guru's say

04:33

and just step into it and you will

04:36

overcome your fears so the first thing I

04:39

want to do is let's identify your fear

04:41

in my case it kind of just I happen to

04:45

be at the right place at the right time

04:46

at a conference where they said

04:47

sometimes people have a fear of this is

04:50

why things may not be working out for

04:52

you is you have a fear of how it will

04:54

make other people feel

04:55

I heard that took it in and didn't

04:59

really acknowledge it

05:01

until later and then just popped out and

05:03

it all clicked in my head that holy cow

05:06

I've been afraid of how I'm gonna make

05:08

people feel and not those strangers and

05:10

those acquaintances and how they'll

05:12

think of me but how those closest to me

05:15

my friends my family my spouse how I

05:18

will make them feel by pushing forward

05:21

on this happiness and self self growth

05:24

journey so how do you identify your

05:28

fears if it doesn't just slap you in the

05:29

face like it did on mine I think a lot

05:31

of it comes down to asking yourself

05:34

several questions right first if you

05:37

really want to push through you have a

05:39

big goal you need to ask yourself why

05:41

you want to do this and we'll use the

05:44

example of the podcast I want to do this

05:47

because I want to share my story in my

05:49

journey in hopes that it will help other

05:52

people realize that they are not alone

05:54

that these coaches and mentors and gurus

05:58

out there who have it all together they

06:02

had to go through tough times too and it

06:03

wasn't just a single tough time and

06:06

they're done and they're on the other

06:07

side it's an ongoing process and so I

06:10

want to share my ongoing process

06:13

not that I'm anywhere in the realm of

06:15

coaches and mentors and gurus but I'm

06:18

somebody just like you and I'm going

06:20

through these things and I'm finding

06:22

these things and I want to share them

06:23

with you and I hope that they can help

06:26

you and that's my why and that's a

06:30

pretty strong way I feel but if your why

06:33

is you want to let's say lose weight you

06:36

want to lose weight and you want to lose

06:38

weight so that you'll look better to

06:42

someone else that's probably not a

06:45

strong enough why right asking yourself

06:48

why you want this it needs to be

06:49

something for you it needs to be solid

06:52

it needs to be full circle if you will

06:55

if you want to lose weight because you

06:57

want to look better than your

07:00

sister-in-law I've done that before but

07:03

if you want to lose weight because you

07:05

want to look better than your

07:05

sister-in-law then all that way it's

07:09

going to come back and it was all done

07:10

for the wrong reasons this is if you

07:12

listen to episode one this is back in

07:14

Tayler days but you're doing it for all

07:17

the wrong reasons and eventually you are

07:18

going to gain all that weight back

07:21

you're not gonna feel good about

07:22

yourself I mean who feels good about

07:24

themselves when they compare themselves

07:25

to others and they quote unquote won

07:27

because they looked better than somebody

07:29

else like that's not that's just not

07:32

couldn't do it's conducive to a happier

07:35

lifestyle that goes back to that that

07:38

manipulative that victim mentality that

07:40

competition all of those pieces that

07:42

don't really run together to be happier

07:45

in your life so you need to ask yourself

07:47

why you want to do this and then ask

07:50

yourself who you're doing it for right

07:52

in the case of losing weight to look

07:55

better than my sister-in-law

07:57

who's no longer in the family by the way

07:59

they ended up getting divorced

08:01

so it's none of my current

08:03

sister-in-laws but ask who you're doing

08:06

it for I was doing it so that I could

08:08

feel better about somebody that I felt

08:10

like I was in competition with and so

08:13

really I was doing it for her which

08:16

didn't make any sense and wasn't again

08:19

not not a good environment and this was

08:21

years and years and years ago but not a

08:23

good thing so who are you doing this for

08:25

whatever your goal is are you doing it

08:27

for you you want to be healthier you

08:29

want to be more agile and feel younger

08:33

and be able to move and play with your

08:35

kids

08:36

what what is the reason like who are you

08:39

doing this for

08:40

and then really ask yourself what do you

08:43

think is holding you back and I'm not

08:47

talking oh I don't have money for

08:49

healthy food or I don't have money to

08:51

hire a personal trainer I'm asking you

08:53

really dig deep and ask yourself what

08:56

you think is holding you back is it that

08:59

you may not feel you're good enough I'll

09:02

go back to the podcast example I feel

09:06

like Who am I to tell you the listener

09:09

anything about fear in this in this

09:13

episode case Who am I to tell tell you

09:16

that and I think that's something that's

09:18

a fear that's been really holding me

09:19

back alongside of the fear of what those

09:22

closest to me will think when they hear

09:24

things like this podcast and so really

09:26

ask yourself and dig

09:28

what do you think is holding you back

09:31

not those external excuses what mentally

09:34

is holding you back because if you can

09:36

overcome the fear of what people will

09:40

feel or think because of what you're

09:42

doing you can overcome the fear of

09:44

feeling not good enough in that impostor

09:47

syndrome if you can identify those ask

09:50

who you're doing it for and really think

09:53

through how you may be holding yourself

09:56

back all those external excuses don't

09:59

matter you want to lose weight you can

10:03

do sit-ups in your bedroom every morning

10:06

or yoga stretches and there's free apps

10:08

out there all these external pieces if I

10:10

can't afford to go to a class or I can't

10:12

afford a gym or nutritionist did those

10:14

things you can work through but you

10:16

can't work through the internal

10:18

motivations and the internal things

10:20

holding you back unless you dig deep and

10:22

you identify them and then also you need

10:25

to ask where do you want to go what is

10:29

the purpose of this podcast or was the

10:31

purpose of losing weight and we're just

10:32

gonna I'm gonna stick to those two

10:33

examples purpose of this podcast where I

10:36

want to go with it is I want to be able

10:38

to again speak to my why and really help

10:42

those of you listening and I'm also

10:45

doing it because I want to help myself

10:46

it helps to talk about these things that

10:48

helps to walk through them and tell you

10:51

what I've learned so I'm doing this for

10:55

all those reasons I said earlier but

10:56

where do I want it to go I want it to be

10:59

huge

10:59

I want tons of subscribers I want to be

11:03

helping tons and tons and tons of people

11:05

and I eventually want to be able to not

11:08

have a normal full-time job and make

11:10

something like this my full-time job

11:11

which is so much more rewarding and so

11:15

much more impactful and making a

11:16

difference in helping other people which

11:18

i think is just incredible so that's

11:21

where I want that to go losing weight if

11:24

that's your goal where do you want to go

11:26

maybe you want to go that you're healthy

11:29

and happy and you can play with your

11:30

kids on the on the floor and be able to

11:32

get up and down without struggling to

11:35

get up and down there's so many reasons

11:39

of why and what could be holding you

11:42

back

11:42

and who you're doing it for but you also

11:43

need to realize where do you want to go

11:45

because things like weight loss or

11:47

things like a podcast or any of these

11:49

big goals have to be a lifestyle change

11:53

which means you have to see beyond I

11:54

want the goal of I want to run a

11:56

marathon okay you train for a marathon

11:57

you run it and then you're done or is

12:00

this a lifestyle where you keep on going

12:02

Podcast do I create a couple of episodes

12:05

and then say okay well I created a

12:06

podcast no it's about that consistency

12:08

it's about that lifestyle and continuing

12:10

forward so ask yourself where you want

12:12

to go and then here's the other thing

12:15

and this is one that I haven't heard

12:18

anybody else ever say but it's something

12:20

that's really kind of stuck with me

12:22

through my own journey and that is when

12:24

did you first think of this fear so my

12:29

fear of being vulnerable for the podcast

12:31

when did I first think of this fear I

12:33

thought of I've want to do a podcast for

12:36

a while and I was very gung-ho about

12:38

doing it but the first time that I felt

12:41

like maybe I wasn't the right person to

12:44

have a podcast or I wasn't good enough I

12:46

wasn't knowledgeable enough where I just

12:49

wasn't there yet was during a time where

12:53

I was having a really really really

12:56

tough time at work and second-guessing

12:58

everything that I was doing because I

13:01

had a boss that I just couldn't couldn't

13:05

communicate with couldn't figure out

13:07

felt like I was constantly failing felt

13:09

like I wasn't able to communicate felt

13:11

like we were at odds with each other all

13:13

these things and that's when this fear

13:16

and this thought of not being good

13:17

enough to do the podcast first came to

13:20

mind so I was in a mental state where

13:22

this fear could take root and so I

13:26

really want you to think about when did

13:28

you first think of this fear as well as

13:30

when did you first think of your goal

13:31

and really put yourself in a full

13:35

picture mindset of what was going on in

13:38

my life that maybe would have caused

13:40

this fear to come up or what was going

13:43

on in my life when I set this goal that

13:45

was really really good and let's try to

13:48

work through that and see if we can

13:49

emulate the good and work through and

13:53

talk yourselves through the fear of the

13:55

bad

13:55

and I think that's a huge piece of this

13:58

because going back to what the Guru's

14:02

say about just go for it step into your

14:04

fear you just work right through it I

14:06

think you need to know when you first

14:08

started having that fear and what was

14:10

going on in your peripheral visions as

14:12

well so that you can know okay I was

14:15

just in a bad place I was struggling at

14:18

work and for a long time I felt like who

14:21

I was was a marketer and so Here I am

14:24

struggling at work and not being as

14:26

successful as I traditionally had been

14:29

now I'm second-guessing myself

14:31

everywhere so if I can work out the work

14:33

problem I might be able to work through

14:35

the fear for the podcast and chase this

14:36

goal so really pinpoint when you first

14:39

thought of this and what was happening

14:41

in the rest in the other areas of your

14:42

life that may have ignited that fear so

14:46

then let's talk about steps to overcome

14:49

so you've identified your fear you've

14:50

walked through the the who what where

14:53

when why all of those that are key

14:57

components of identifying your fear and

14:59

being able to step through it so now

15:00

here's how we can overcome it and you

15:03

know what hate to say it sometimes those

15:05

gurus are right you need to identify all

15:07

those things but then sometimes you just

15:09

need to jump you've identified all of

15:12

those and you're still holding back you

15:13

can only think for so long right you

15:16

keep on thinking you keep on

15:17

strategizing you're going to never take

15:20

that step for it so sometimes you have

15:22

to just jump but other times it can just

15:26

be a shift right so sometimes you when

15:30

you have that fear overcome you overcome

15:32

you you need to stand up straight take a

15:35

deep breath and tell yourself you can do

15:38

this and sometimes it's an internal

15:41

voice saying I can do this I can do this

15:44

but it really helps to focalize it to go

15:47

step into the bathroom that's empty or a

15:49

separate conference room or out into a

15:51

field or wherever it is that you can be

15:54

alone for five minutes set up your

15:56

posture and go I can do this and

15:59

sometimes that's enough right you've

16:01

identified everything else you've worked

16:03

through it all now you know that you can

16:05

do it and sometimes you just need some

16:06

physical conviction

16:09

also focus on the positive outcomes the

16:12

biggest thing with fear is that we sit

16:13

down and we go what's the worst thing

16:15

that can happen and I'm gonna use the

16:16

podcast one again worst things can

16:19

happen if somebody listens to this and

16:20

they leave a comment or a review and

16:23

they tell me how terrible it was and Who

16:26

am I to be helping other people be

16:28

better in their lives I have no

16:31

credentials or experience and how dare I

16:34

even try alright that's pretty rough

16:36

that's pretty tough in a pretty deep and

16:40

mean way of thinking now I'm sure

16:41

someone's probably gonna say that in the

16:43

comment but I have worked through it now

16:46

where I thought of all the positive

16:48

outcomes positive outcomes for those of

16:51

you listening who this does resonate

16:52

with that's totally worth it right if

16:56

you can work through your fears after

16:57

listening to this podcast and you can

16:58

identify what they are and be able to

17:01

step into them in that not just step

17:04

into it and get over it that easier said

17:05

than done but really overcome them it's

17:09

totally worth it who cares what that one

17:11

comment or may or may not say so I

17:13

really want you guys to focus on the

17:16

positive outcomes what's the best thing

17:20

that can happen and you focus on that

17:21

and anything lower than that you've now

17:24

worked through your fears enough that

17:25

those things don't matter you're

17:27

focusing on the positive and that focus

17:29

will help you take the steps to overcome

17:31

your fear and leap into your goals in

17:34

your dreams other thing here practice

17:37

we're on episode 3 I still have

17:39

vulnerability issues with this podcast I

17:41

still get worried and fearful but

17:44

practice makes perfect and it just won't

17:46

be it well and practice makes progress

17:48

not perfection because perfection is not

17:51

attainable and we don't want to be

17:52

perfectionist that's a side tangent but

17:54

it's not gonna happen overnight so

17:58

identify all these things focus on the

18:01

positive tell yourself you can do it and

18:04

practice just practice it's not going to

18:08

be perfect and as long as you're making

18:11

progress you can overcome those fears

18:13

and if those fears are fear or failure

18:16

what do you have to do you have to keep

18:18

on going

18:20

as long as you learn and grow it's not a

18:22

failure but if you stop it is so

18:24

practice and go for progress not

18:27

perfection and going back to those

18:30

positive outcomes ask what's the worst

18:32

that can happen the worst thing that

18:35

could happen if you try to lose weight

18:39

the worst thing that could happen is

18:41

nothing because you'll be healthier and

18:43

happier if that's your goal right the

18:46

worst thing that can happen is again

18:47

maybe worried about how other people

18:49

will feel you're worried your best

18:50

friend who may be going after the same

18:52

goal you're worried you're gonna get

18:54

there before her reach your goal and

18:56

you're worried how that's gonna make her

18:57

feel well here's the other side of that

18:59

maybe she'll be able to see your

19:01

lifestyle and your positive results and

19:04

be inspired by it and talk to you about

19:06

her struggles and you can help her

19:08

through those that's the best outcome

19:09

so stop focusing on the worst and start

19:12

focusing on the best that can happen the

19:15

other thing is get a mentor right and I

19:18

know it's kind of hard how do you figure

19:19

out how to get a mentor I think it comes

19:22

down to talking about our fears you talk

19:26

about your fears and you can then

19:29

connect with the right people right

19:32

you're putting it out there that this is

19:33

something I'm working through and

19:35

someone who else who someone else who

19:37

may have worked through that in the past

19:38

may just come into your life and be able

19:41

to mentor you on how they were able to

19:43

work through it and how they've worked

19:47

through their fears regularly and if

19:49

their fear was the same as yours that's

19:51

huge that's somebody there to mentor and

19:53

coach you and help you and something

19:55

like a podcast like this may be just

19:58

what you need or a neighbor or a

20:01

relative or someone like that where we

20:03

can open up and talk about our fears

20:04

they may say oh my gosh I went through

20:07

the same thing three months ago here's

20:08

how I'm overcoming it and suddenly you

20:11

have a bond you have a friend you have

20:12

someone there to support you as you go

20:15

through your fears so really that's it

20:18

like there's these gurus out there

20:20

saying - go for it and I haven't heard

20:24

any practical applications of what go

20:26

for it really means and so I put this

20:28

together so that we can identify our

20:29

fears and really work through those

20:32

steps to overcome those fears

20:34

and I hope this has helped you I know

20:35

for sure it has helped me in my fear of

20:37

creating a podcast and how other people

20:39

will feel and perceive me in creating a

20:42

podcast so I hope the same for you in

20:45

whatever your goal is and I would love

20:47

to hear your goal I would love it if you

20:49

wanted to tell me about your fears and

20:51

maybe I can help or I can recommend

20:53

someone who can help so feel free to

20:55

share this podcast if you know anyone

20:59

who may benefit from it and feel free to

21:02

comment on our Facebook and our

21:03

instagrams the links to those profiles

21:05

are on happiness abound com so wishing

21:09

you the best and remember you are

21:10

capable of happiness abound

21:12

[Music]